On Beginings and on poetry...

Monday is alwayst the worst day of the week.I don't know why,maybe it's just something that is lingering upon me from my shool-days.This particular Monday however is quite special,not for any exeptional reason but just because I woke up feeling cheary and i was in a good mood during the day.However,it was kind of sad acknowledging that it was the lass seminar of a class I have really loved:my Breaching Boundaries class.I was given an once in a lifetime opportunity to read wonderful books(like Orwell's 1984)and been given a satisfactory analysis of them.
Aside from that though,this last seminar got me thinking about endings and beginings;no matter how much fun I had during this semester,or how much I enjoyed most of my classes I am not sorry to see the semester finishing.It was a difficult,long and demanding semester but this is not why I'm glad it has come to an end.The possibility of this new semester,which will be initiating in about a month gives me joy,knowing that I will have to follow all these new seminars which will provide me with new knowledge,I feel that this new knowledge will take me one step further to my goal(i have noted over and over again that I have no idea what this goal is).All i know is that life makes so much more sense now,than it did a year ago,i know things now which will rise me closer to my ideal-self and that is sufficient.
They have this debate going on in Oxford uni which I've found so interesting and fun to follow. Its about poetry and sciense:"Poetry is beautiful,but sciense is all that matters". Dr Macdonald who is currently debating in favor of poetry set in his speech that poetry isn't beautiful because it is not an ornament with no use,poetry does matter.
Applying to the term poetry all literary pieces,I scream that poetry DOES matter!!
I've been trying to figure out why poetry matters to me and I can't find the right words to do it.I want to keep off the word beautiful,so I'll just say that poetry has made my life meaningful,I am not very sure why the earth revolves around the sun but I know that the sun has never shone as brightly as it does when having read a book you cupture its meaning,its patterns,what the writer whishes to convey and accepting that or dissaproving it,nevertheless there is nothing like that particular moment of enlighntment,that moment when you understand who you truly are(taking into consideration that who you are equals to what you believe in).
Poetry matters to me i guess,because in the end of the day,poetry is all i have and i've never been happier, as i am right now that i realized this.

CONFESSIONS!!

S. Beckett believed that there is no concrete meaning in life.Now,I don't like Beckett in general but the truth is that I can't help but wandering if he was right?What if I am doomed to lead a life which will proove,by the end of my days, that Beckett was right?That our existance, our journey through life is vain?I am scared of that day like christians are scared of hell.And sometimes I regret that I reached that point when I realized there is no such thing as a God,religions always justify existance but like my teacher says(and forgive my inability to quote but she tends to say it in Latin)fear whas what created Gods.Those who don't know ARE happy!

The same teacher mentioned above says my writing is incoherent which results from my incoherent manner of thinking.I fail to understand why this is a problem!A while ago I was reading an article my teacher wrote on her grad.school and in spite of risking sounding a bit cocky I have to admit that I did recognize some similarities in the writing.Sometimes, I wish I could talk to her about that among other things.I truly believe that if someone has found out the secret of being then that has to be my teachers,it's like they are in to this big secret and they just want care and then I wonder why wont literature open up to me like to them?and i cry silently!

Sometimes I feel like I am fake,I know i am.It's like this:i am supposed to love colors(bright and happy colors-thats what my wardrobe's made off)but then i think that thats just a way to hide that "i look inside and i see my heart is black"(from my all-time classical PAINT IT BLACK).

Then I say what if I am just not through with being a teenager?Is there a specific age or a factor that moves you from one age group to the other?I sure as hell still feel confused about everything and I'd like to believe that this is because I never really grew up than think that maybe just maybe life is like this,things never actually take their course!

People say that you can be in a crowd and still feel lonely!This is tru,you can be sitting next to someone and be lonlier than ever, I am scared of solitude yet it seems to haunt me everywhere I go,even in my thoughts?How do you find those people that you are suppose to feel at home when you are with them?Or have I been watching too much tv?

In shock

Last night i watched Boys dnt cry!!
i am still weeping over it!:(:(
it just goes straight to the pantheon of my greatest movies ever!it's one of those movies that,even I(who loves going all analytical)can't say a single word!It's just beautiful,period!!
i just needed to share it with you
p.s:the soundtrack rocks too!!

Crossing my fingers&hoping for the best!! :P

ok i still dont know whats happening with my exams!we've reached a complete new level of stupititness in my uni!!we rock!we are one(ok maybe nt one bt we are in the top5)of a kind:P
I can't wait to go to Paris!!I am looking forward to it so much that a part of me is already there!I can see us there already,having fun,being lost and stuff!!its just a little over a month thats left,it's nothing right??!!
so tomorrow i'm watching Annie!!have mercy!!has everyone gone mad?ofcourse!!some times i really wonder if it all had been the right choice,i know it is,it's where i am supposed to be bt the whole year just started a bit off,but 2009 is a good year I can tell!!i guess its ok to question one's status(especially if this particular status is being static) bt better things are on their way,I feel it inside!!
I cross my fingers that my professor will have only good thinks to say abt my research paper!(i'm getting the feedback 2morrow). if she doesn?hell with her!i worked my ass off and i didn't have to!what i've gained from the research is way bigger than anything her classes could offer,i wont even remember anything in a month,bt the research?thats a keeper!